Tuning In to Your Senses
This Week’s Guest Blog is written by Lori Metz, CSW, CCM, BC-TMH, who is a therapist specializing in working with those on a fertility journey. She takes us through an exercise to tune into the senses.
The decision to have a baby brings so much joy, typically accompanied by some nervous anticipation. Having a baby is something we all believe will happen when we are ready. Yet, studies show that 1 in 6 women of childbearing age have accessed fertility care. For those touched by infertility, the individual or couple is faced with many decisions. Each of us is unique, and will experience
this journey in our own way; even couples experience the same journey in different ways.
Understanding the components and impact and expressing them can help you and your partner, if you have one, along this path together.
The question becomes how to care for yourself. I find communication is essential to consider, whether navigating your health care treatment, your relationships, or even what you say to yourself. I work with many people on how to understand their needs and enhance their communication. One way is by tuning into our senses.
Our senses are fundamental in our ability to protect ourselves. Our sight, hearing, taste, touch, and ability to smell. They allow us to know what’s happening around us. They allow us to connect with the world and enhance our communication and relationship with everything around us.
When going through a fertility journey or any difficult time in life, our senses are typically heightened. We can feel more emotional, physically our bodies may be impacted, and our relationships may change. In essence, how we experience our world can change. Remembering to tune into what our senses are
telling us, their importance can help. It’s interesting to consider that most of us will take them for granted unless, of course, we don’t have use of them.
1. Let’s use our sight to see what’s in front of us. When walking down the street, take in what you’re passing, what you’re seeing, what makes you smile, and what makes you sad. When you’re talking with someone, do you look at them? Do you take in their face, their body, and if their expression matches what they are saying? Consider if their body and eyes go along with the conversation. What you’re seeing can tell the story.
Examples to consider: When you see someone with a stroller, does it elicit an emotion, or do your eyes shift? When you see someone looking angry or sad do you consider asking them if they are ok. Try to pay a bit more attention to what you see, if it has an impact and how you react.
2. Let’s use our hearing to listen to what’s around us. In 1697 it was first said “music calms the savage beast” (William Congreve). Sound is all around us, and it tells us much if we tune into it. Sound can trigger an emotion. It can let us know what’s around the corner (good or bad).
Examples to consider: when someone is speaking with you about your fertility does it bring comfort or elicit anxiety? Do you tune someone out if they begin asking you about your personal journey? Do you try to educate them? Change the subject? Do you hear what someone is saying when you’re speaking with them, or do you think you know what they are going to say and having a private conversation in your own head? Does the tone of someone’s voice impact their words? Does it match what they said? Does it give warning or joy? Or when you are in a conversation with someone and not hearing what they’re saying when you catch yourself, try asking yourself if you really want to miss out? You may hear something different.
3. Let’s use our sense of smell to pick up on what we are experiencing. Does a sent trigger an emotion or thought? Do you ever pay attention to a scent you are not expecting when you enter a room, elevator or bakery? Our sense of smell can evoke knowledge of what’s to come, a delicious treat, meal, something that has gone wrong (fire, food that’s turned bad). Our ancestors use the sense of smell as a means of protection. As we still do today.
Examples to consider: You are at the doctor and the nurse opens an alcohol wipe to clean your skin prior to an injection. Does it elicit an emotion? You feel as if you have a change in your body’s scent. Does it cause concern? Our sense of smell is more powerful than we think in relationships with people and the world.
4. Let’s use our sense of taste, “mmmmmmmmm so good” or “oh no”! What’s your favorite memory of a taste? Have you ever cooked for someone or fed someone? Consider the impact for yourself and the recipient. How does taste impact your life, especially if going through a difficult time? Some will find comfort in taste and others avoid. Think about the first time you
tasted something new, did you make a face or react? Our sense of taste impacts so much in our socialization and survival, and even emotion.
Examples to consider: have you changed your diet since beginning your fertility journey? Are you enjoying the tastes? Do you know why you made the change? Are you feeling positive about the impact?
5. Let’s use our sense of touch – a hug, a punch, a pat on the back, making love. Sometimes a touch on the arm is more impactful than any words. It’s been proven that a hug can change body chemistry. Touch impacts the person touching and the person being touched.
Examples to consider: while trying to conceive do you find yourself touching your belly? If you’re feeling sad does having an arm around you, a touch of a hand or rubbing on the back help? Does physical contact bring comfort? The power of touch!
These 5 amazing gifts, please try to tune into them and remember them as a way of enhancing your
communication, relationships, and understanding of the world around you.
Lori Metz, LCSW, CCM, BC-TMH, a therapist specializing in working with those on a fertility journey, working with people individually, as couples, holding support groups, and leading workshops Hosts a podcast called “LIFE, love, insight, fertility, experiences” to provide information and wrote, “I Dreamed
Of You, the story of an egg donor baby. “
lorimetz@ymail.com, phone: 917-655-9776